Women are hard for me to get along with.

Not the best place for me talk about this, but Blenderartist is a better place than most, as far as the internet goes. And I don’t want to keep bothering my friends with complaining, as I tend to complain a measurable amount.

Women. I think a woman can just as good as a man. I see on the internet that supposedly men hate women, but I know that the internet attracts idle people who are opinionated and bitter.

I just watched a video of a girl putting make-up on her fiance, just for the kicks. It was pretty funny. He said “Am I pretty now?” jokingly. She somewhat goes off on a tangent, saying “Don’t wear make-up for others approval,” as well as, “Girls don’t wear make-up for men’s approval.” He replies that he was just asking if he looks pretty now.

When she said that girls don’t wear make-up for the approval of men, that kindof hurt. I want girls to like me. It would also be nice for girls to want my attention, some. Unfortunately, I have a hard time trusting women/girls, even ones that I know. The much older women I have little issue with; I have a fair bit of confidence that they will respond positively, most of the time. They will also, at times start the conversation. That’s nice.

I may know a girl/woman who is relatively young, compared to senor citizens that is. I may have known them for quite a while, and have tried initiating conversation with many, but I would say that 2 out of 5 do not respond, and 2 out of 5 do not open up, even after months of acquaintanceship. They will rarely initiate conversation, and, by far, I have had few conversations longer than a minute.

It’s hard to pinpoint in words what exactly I’m so exasperated about. But I hope you can get my drift. I see other guys and they seem to be doing better. Perhaps they simply do not allow themselves to think about problems.

I will certainly try not to worry about it too much, and continue to make efforts to be friendly with them.

Ah, yes. I know what I was getting at: I wish girls/women would pay more attention to me, at least, the ones I know. At times they seem fairly receptive, but at most times they do not. It’s a thing I’ve been dealing with for a long time, and I’d like to try and put it to rest. I’ve made an appointment with a psychologist to get some more help.

Here’s the thing: you would not approach a guy thinking “oh how can I get this guy to open up to me?” You’d just be yourself. And in the course of being yourself, you’d find some guys are nice guys, and some are real jerks. And everything in between. So, hopefully, you pal around with the nice guys, and give the jerks the brush off.

Women want to be approached the same way, as individuals. And if you do this, you’ll discover that some are really nice, and some are jerks. And everything in between.

They might be turned off by you because you’re a whiner. Always complaining. Nobody likes that. Your friends might put up with it because of your other sterling qualities, but it’s off putting. You should work on that: try having conversations with your friends where you are NOT complaining about something. Notice what you like to talk about in non-complaining mode. Do more of that.

Good luck.

You shouldn’t be thinking about how to get along with “girls”; you should be thinking in how to get along with people in general… For what you’ve said it seems to me that the way you see girls and guys and their differences is heavily based on what you see on the internet (I’m just making conclusions here, correct me if I’m wrong). And there’s nothing more dangerous than that. Really.

Just stop thinking about it. The gender difference is just that, gender. We are all people, and if you can get along with a 12 year old boy, you can surely get along with a 23 year old girl… There’s obviously differences in age, tastes, character, religion, etc… But their differences are not determined by the gender; that’s probably the biggest lie the internet has told to people; and that’s also affecting the whole feminism, and hate on men debate (which is a whole different subject for another time).

My advice is this, if you know a girl that is difficult to get along with, go and ask her why she thinks that is happening. Is it because she doesn’t like you, or the way you are, or your points of view? or is it because you expect something she’s not…?
Maybe, she doesn’t feel like that at all and you’re the only one thinking you don’t get along…
Ask yourself why do you annoy your friends, is it really like that or you’re just over thinking it?

Sometimes we tend to get all caught up in ourselves and start to forget how to relate with the outside world.
Stop thinking about it so much.

I’ll definatly try working on the “it may be in your head” thing and the “stop thinking about it so much” thing. I might come back in a month a post my progress. It’s a lot to take, what you two have said, but it’s definatly the better advice I’ve heard from the net.

It’s been a month and things don’t seem to have changed much. Right now I’m depressed, but it changes so drastically every week. A couple weeks ago, it seems like girls liked me a lot, now it seems like they don’t even notice me.

I don’t have anyone I can talk to about it all the way through. I feel like all I’m getting from people who I talk with about it is “Don’t worry about it. You need to change _____.” I know I must change some things. But can’t I just be liked once in a while? Sometimes I think that they are just immature brats who think I’m not cool enough to talk to. Perhaps my laugh is too annoying. Maybe I’m a dork. Maybe my jokes are dumb.

But I reject that thinking because I don’t want to think that it’s something out of my control. But I don’t want to blame myself because I’ve been improving so much that if I think about something else I’ve gotta change I’ll explode. I’m trying so hard to be positive, but some days it is impossible for me to be so. Some days I need to rest, but I’m not able to stay at home.

Really, what would help, is if girls were more open to me. And they seemed more interested in me as a personality. But, I’ll definately keep my heary open to anything they do, in my behalf. If they say Hi, I’ll respond in kind and try to be friendly and conversational.

I feel like I have to be perfect.

When you are not talking about ‘it’ what are you talking about? Things won’t change quickly. In fact, they’ll change so slowly that you won’t notice them changing, you’ll just realize suddenly that things are different now than they were then. But: it doesn’t appear that you’ve acted on that “stop thinking about it so much” advice.

henrymop, if you need someone to talk it all the way through, then find somebody like that. You can pay a shrink to do it, and maybe you should, depression is a serious illness, often left untreated. But if you can’t or won’t, then look for someone who is willing to listen to you. Might help if you were a good listener, too.

Dropping by here once a month for some sage advice isn’t going to help much, especially when you don’t seem to be following the advice. If you’re a teenager (hard to tell from the clues you’ve left) then it might just be hormones, in which case, sucks to be you, but you’ll grow out of it in time.

^^This.

From reading your latest post it seems you have lost yourself completely in your personal “meta-level”, constantly analyzing your own behaviour, other people’s reactions to that behaviour, yourself reacting to what you think other people think of you…

That’s a vicious circle and I’m not sure how you expect to have any conversation with that kind of overhead that’s not supposed to become awkward pretty quickly. How could anyone behave naturally and be “himself” under those circumstances? And this is all about being yourself, as an obvious lack of authenticity can be repelling and btw, desperation definitely is. And you surely don’t want to play a role for the rest of your life?

You need to break out of this rat race. And if you can’t let go on your own, indeed some kind of professional help might be advised. There is no shame in seeking help. And no, a forum for computer graphics software does not count as seeking sound advice.

Panta rei, panta rei…
Evolution is no revolution.

There’s a long path from animal to human…
… and is only perfect when it ends.

My dear, i fear,
for another thousand years…

Whom choice is given to appear
from nothing - as a pixel or a spark,
remember one thing,
without light, here is no dark.


Intelligent do suffer only as an arrogant
… for stupid needs grace.

And warrior’s duty is to share peace
give care to those without.
Never to kill…
or to climb up a hill
with flag in it’s hand and scream:

“This world is mine!!!”

See it all…
to continue walking blind…
as many do by majority behind.

aiiiii:rolleyes:

As burnin and Orinoco say, “There’s a long path from animal to human…”; old habits developed over many years may die hard.

My negativity is definitely my biggest drawback. I’ve a appointment for a shrink next week.

I started a “friend diary” on the 29th of March, and have four entries so far. I had one that was partially negative, and so I just deleted the negative part. But, I’m surprised. The other three entries start exactly like this: “Things went well.” I want to start making a list of things that I liked that happened.

And, you know, one thing is this one girl at work who actually has full conversations with me. So, maybe things aren’t so bad.

Really, my mood goes up and down every week or so.

I find myself hanging around women far more so than I do with guys, hell, all the times I go out have been with female friends, the only time I talk to my own gender is at work. I can’t imagine why any women would want to hang around a demented beast like me. Ironically though, I’ve never had a girlfriend. Probably down to the fact that being autistic, I never really show my true emotions to others, a habit that is unlikely to change btw. Hell, half the time, I don’t even know what I really feel unless I’m alone. :stuck_out_tongue:

Edit: To an extent though, I am somewhat envious of the kind of friendships women tends to share amongst each other, and the emotions they display to one another. It is somewhat bittersweet, even if my empathy is faked, I can provide some semblance of understanding when they’re upset or happy, and provide a stable and calm, if somewhat cold, personality. However, such interactions further reminds of the traits I lack, and that I am still an outsider.

Blegh, I’m a mess, but nothing really to do but to keep trucking along.

it’s not a habit… adrenalin rushing through veins or having 5 fingers on a hand
fuck on demand
we all fluctuate, panta rei…
pain is nothing & world is made of ‘pain’ since it’s very existence, so you are too

get fit… health first, exercise, love, motivate, inspire & humor all around you… you’ll saw what you seed

if in doubt - One is God (you).

  • there’s only one self
  • believe your self
  • never idolize
  • respect elders, parents, all before
  • respect your given name, w/o shame

… then, before doing any act:

  • it is you, an other
  • be honest
  • help, use & share
  • sacrifice, not kill
  • restrain, think …first

I find myself hanging around women far more so than I do with guys, hell, all the times I go out have been with female friends

This hasn’t ever really happened to me, but the few times it has, I did enjoy hanging with women more than men.

I am somewhat envious of the kind of friendships women tends to share amongst each other

Me too. What I’m looking for is to just to e accepted and feel that I can talk with some girls that I know and care about, without it becoming romantic, or without them drifting away or distancing themselves from me. I’m also looking to be aknowledged and greeted by them, and have a conversation once in a while.

I live in the Bible Belt, in southern Missouri, and I’ve had several people tell me they don’t really like this place.

FYI, the Bible Belt is a big area consisting of the south-eastern states of the US. It’s not an official thing, it’s just a nickname for a place where people have more ardour for the bible and its beliefs.

I had a customer at work who was a English teacher in Japan for 8 years in the 70’s: “This is the most stuck up area I’ve ever lived,” he said.

My friend who is about 40 years old, “The whole south of Missouri sucks.” He and a couple of his friends have a nickname for Missouri “Missery.”

I had a Hispanic friend who lived in LA for his childhood and moved over here just say, without me asking, “Girls in Cali are more outgoing than they are here.”

There were a dozen other times that people have told me Missouri and the mid-west suck concrete spheres. It’s difficult to make friends.

I was talking with a couple who were missionaries in Africa for 8 years about the area being friendly but friendless, and I blurted out, and the subject of the social “separation” of the sexes came up.

In this area, it’s difficult to have non-romantic relationships with the opposite sex, because it seems like the only reason a woman would be a friend with a guy is so she can go out with him. This isn’t always the case, but I’ve had a women tell me she was kind of hesitant to talk with men in our congregation because she didn’t want to form an inappropriate attachment to any of them, as her husband is not of our congregation, although he doesn’t have a problem with her being there. This is the same as the other girls and women there, more or less.

Anyway, back to my experience, I blurted out, “It’s retarded!” when I mentioned the “separation of hte sexes”(it’s really not that bad) and the wife exclaimed, “Thank you!” because of her earnest agreement. My friend, who is but a few years my senior, said he thinks it’s a southern thing, which would be the same thing as the Bible Belt.