Hey guys,this is theonly forum itrut,wanted to talk bout some stuff,1st of all,im shy,more than shy,i have the wish to be alone,like on a mountain and all is quiet and im totally alone,since about 1 year,2nd,i have no real liefe contacts,except my mom and my dog and my brother lol,) 3rd,im totally like cant fell,i dont lough,im often depressed,and,i never even as my best friend died,cared about it,i dont even care if i see how ppls get killed,i watch helmcam movies from friends wich are in afgahnistan,i watch how they get killed i see how the blood is spreading out of their body,but i dont care,i wouldnt even have issues to kill soomeone,i always wanted to go to the snipers,(i cant,and i love 3d more i guess :D),i love my friends,and id trhow myself on a grenade or ied for them id die for them im srs,i have since 3 years constantly pain now,is something wrong with me?
There’s them other messed up people like you abouts. I sure as heck come across them every now and them, and often listen to their stories, sober or drunk (perhaps on drugs) so rest assured, in the great cauldron of peoples, there is some radish, some cabbage, and them other ingredients. Rest assured, you are an ingredient that makes the whole pot of cookin’ so much more tasty. Um yeah…don’t go around tasting or you get put in prison for cannibalism or whatever. Well never mind me advise, go drink a cup of tea or coffee.
mm,makes sense,im 15 btw 
Well, since you’re asking strangers to tell you if have a “malfunction” or not, then I’m gonna guess you already know the answer to your own question. You say that you are totally alone, but then you say you love your friends. Which is it, have you got friends or not? Obviously it is very abnormal for a 15 year old to not have any friends for a whole year. I’m not saying you’re bad for it, it’s just not healthy for you.
I’m not a psychiatrist, but I think it is likely that your depression is the thing that is making you not care about who dies, and who you see dying. Getting to the root, or the reason of why you are depressed and talking to someone about it(like your mom) might be a good way of helping yourself.
What is the 3 years of pain like? Is that physical, or mental? What does your family think about you being alone?
Edit: BTW I think having a career in 3d is a lot more productive and cathartic than a military one(and it’s a lot less of a mess to clean up afterwards).:yes:
Thinking and doing are completely different. I wouldn’t be concerned until you have a scope on lay-away and are scouting towers. It’s never a bad idea to get checked out if you have concerns. If it’s bothering you; go ahead and get checked out.
Sounds like clinical depression to me. Finding someone you trust and talking to them about it is probably the best first step. Posting to anonymous strangers on an artist’s forum doesn’t count.
Hitchhiker you could add me as a friend if it could make you feel better…
Hey guys,thanks for so much messages back,@Geometricity,well its like,i have a few internet friends,but not more,kinda gotta say doesnt matter to me,caus that are the best friends a human can wish for,oh and yes,cleaning isnt that presented in 3d^^3 years of pain are like it starts one day,and then doctors will try some pharma shit on you,(Opium,Tramal,…)and it wont stop.and yes its physically.
My familly is thinnking ive got some issues,thats why im asking here,only trust artist i guess eh?@Blonder i got checked out more than like 20 times,its annoying meanwhile^^.@Orinoco,ye,that seems to make sense,at least it haves something true on it,^^thak you m_squared,thats really nice from you,
Well Tramal has the side effect of anxiety, which might explain your shyness but I don’t know because I’m not your doctor. It sucks that at 15 that you have to take opium in order to feel better, I guess the best you can hope for is that they come up with a better drug or a cure of some kind. The pace of technological change makes me think that there is a good chance of you seeing that happen.
It’s good that you have internet friends but that is still not the best for you mentally or health wise. Speaking to someone over video chat on the internet is not the same as having a physically close relationship. Your body senses other peoples pheromones and picks up on cues you otherwise wouldn’t from online. You need to practice talking face to face in person in order to overcome your shyness and build confidence.
But I agree with what Orinoco said, find someone you trust that knows about the things you’re going through(like a school councilor) and ask them to help you. Getting a lot of sunlight doesn’t hurt either… unless you are prone to skin cancer. :yes:
Anyway good luck, hopefully you will try to get better, and if keeping us informed about your situation helps you then you should do that.
Hey,im sorry for late answer,i had to get some stuff done :).well,i dont take those drugs anymore,means more pains but world is hard gotta deal with it so ro so :p.thank you geo,it makes sense,yes i once read about tramal,but i rather didnt wanted to know wht i take there hihi.well,im still kinda feelingless and shy,but im not that depressed anymore :).Thank you :).
Seek help. You have demons haunting you (not literally) and you need to get someone to help you work through it. Last person I heard talking like you was a very dear friend of mine who ended up being committed (voluntarily) and I’ve not heard from him since. That was forty years ago and I still grieve that I’ve not been able to find my friend in all that time.
You need God in your life.
SaltyCowdawg - I’m sorry to hear about your friend, but how is it that you can’t find him? You must have known where he and his family lived and could dig up where he might be from them? Search police and hospital records in the town he was in, google search? Hopefully he’s doing okay. Sorry if me asking is a little intrusive. I recently searched for an old best bud of mine, unfortunately what I found was pretty horrifying, but at least I know.
Hitchhiker - Good to know I might of helped you Hopefully it’s a decision you made with your family so they can help get you though it.
If you’re still unable to be empathetic, and still have some shyness, then there is no harm in talking to somebody about it. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength to try and be a better human being. Not having empathy can get you into a lot of trouble.
I don’t know what the laws are where you’re from regarding talking to a mental health professional, so you might want to avoid saying something that could get you forcibly drugged. I’m sure if you keep from saying anything about hurting someone else they’ll leave you alone. I’m not saying you want to hurt someone, I’m just saying it’s good to know what you’re getting into when you sit down with a professional.
Good luck to you in the future!